So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
and you said cock pushups were impossible
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
