I can tuck mytits in my pants
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
