We're facebook friends in real life
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
