So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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