You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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