next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
