No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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