My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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