I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
