Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
