DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
