how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
