I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
