I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
These 23 People Had Crazy Sex With Complete Strangers
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
23 Medical Examiners Reveal The Most Disturbing Causes Of Death They’ve Seen
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.