Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
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he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
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Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Randomize
