Texts From Last Night

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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops

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  (803): I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me. (803): I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops http://tfl.nu/kudg
  Replies (6) Good night (4154) Bad night (777)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.

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  (413): Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang. http://tfl.nu/dwae
  Replies (15) Good night (854) Bad night (5597)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was

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  (203): She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was http://tfl.nu/dgtk
  Replies (15) Good night (4048) Bad night (1453)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?

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  (303): The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them? http://tfl.nu/7mcl
  Replies (3) Good night (776) Bad night (2455)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast

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  (202): I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast http://tfl.nu/11fz
  Replies (13) Good night (2077) Bad night (1264)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.

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  (214): Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures. http://tfl.nu/dcpy
  Replies (11) Good night (2653) Bad night (1132)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.

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  (520): There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in. http://tfl.nu/msb5
  Replies (7) Good night (3027) Bad night (907)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.

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  (541): You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER. http://tfl.nu/wjgj
  Replies (5) Good night (1690) Bad night (1076)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?

  (1-443): View more from Maryland

  A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.

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  (443): Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever? (1-443): A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month. http://tfl.nu/w6z0
  Replies (17) Good night (1418) Bad night (831)
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.

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  (563): The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka. http://tfl.nu/9mlx
  Replies (6) Good night (675) Bad night (1000)
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  (408): View more from California

  I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi

  (408): View more from California

  so I peed on it

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  (408): I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi (408): so I peed on it http://tfl.nu/hxc3
  Replies (5) Good night (1105) Bad night (374)
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  (518): View more from New York

  Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.

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  (518): Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for. http://tfl.nu/odgq
  Replies (2) Good night (735) Bad night (327)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.

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  (330): If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League. http://tfl.nu/d8th
  Replies (2) Good night (982) Bad night (277)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us

  (1-330): View more from Ohio

  Um. We all know how I feel about sea life

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  (330): I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us (1-330): Um. We all know how I feel about sea life http://tfl.nu/ddf3
  Replies (1) Good night (735) Bad night (214)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.

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  (801): We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that. http://tfl.nu/wvs3
  Replies (1) Good night (375) Bad night (135)

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