Texts From Last Night

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  (415): View more from California

  if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?

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  (415): if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me? http://tfl.nu/n53h
  Replies (90) Good night (942) Bad night (10380)
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  (737): View more from Texas

  and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."

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  (737): and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best" (303 ): I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas." http://tfl.nu/7cf3
  Replies (59) Good night (4636) Bad night (1133)
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  (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.

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  (709): She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up. http://tfl.nu/j6op
  Replies (8) Good night (3219) Bad night (1135)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window

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  (613): on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window http://tfl.nu/tz9a
  Replies (2) Good night (2402) Bad night (1575)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."

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  (717): He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird." http://tfl.nu/0yzz
  Replies (9) Good night (850) Bad night (3295)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.

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  (814): bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles. http://tfl.nu/uozt
  Replies (11) Good night (2757) Bad night (814)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.

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  (817): Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car. http://tfl.nu/zuv0
  Replies (13) Good night (2596) Bad night (698)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.

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  (214): Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed. http://tfl.nu/czkr
  Replies (8) Good night (670) Bad night (1451)
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.

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  (307): just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT. http://tfl.nu/ndey
  Replies (29) Good night (2143) Bad night (569)
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  (805): View more from California

  I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.

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  (805): I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea. http://tfl.nu/leum
  Replies (8) Good night (1524) Bad night (476)
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"

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  (828): Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole" http://tfl.nu/3q74
  Replies (21) Good night (674) Bad night (2101)
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.

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  (916): Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now. http://tfl.nu/po20
  Replies (0) Good night (335) Bad night (616)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.

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  (215): My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived. http://tfl.nu/2w8v
  Replies (6) Good night (1010) Bad night (299)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me

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  (425): Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me http://tfl.nu/wcm8
  Replies (2) Good night (631) Bad night (301)
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.

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  (586): She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible. http://tfl.nu/tfjy
  Replies (3) Good night (361) Bad night (859)

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