You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
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Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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