so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
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If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
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You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices