i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
