I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
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Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
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She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.