Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
