I smell stomach acid.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
