you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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