Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I think I am morally bankrupt
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
