If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
