youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
