even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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