I think my vagina is haunted
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
