I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
