she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
