It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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