Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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