How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I love you. Go after that dick
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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