I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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