I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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