Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
