Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
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