theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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