thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize