I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
How does one acquire holy water?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
