my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
