you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
