remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
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