I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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