The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
