Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
