I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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