if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
