he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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