Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
