i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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