Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
