He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
