arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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