Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
