Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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