I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
