i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
It was confusing and full of hummus
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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