Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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