He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
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And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
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Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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