Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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