so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
