sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Randomize
