we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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