FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
