playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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