she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
